it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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