Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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