why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
