The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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