So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
