God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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