We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
