I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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