Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
