You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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