allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
