Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
