hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
