I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
