Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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