they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
