I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
