it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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