I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
