Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
