when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
