People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
