Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
