Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize