Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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