it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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