The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
its liver damage thursday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
