Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
