what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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