shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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