just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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