I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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