I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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