If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
