Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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