is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
