Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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