I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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