She's JV to your varsity
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think my vagina is haunted
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize