grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
