p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
