Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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