I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
