meet me or not, i'm out of control
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
