Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
