So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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