i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
