I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize