Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
