what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
