I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
