No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
