Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
