Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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