WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
