Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
