Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
