ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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