I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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