i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize