I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
