And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
