Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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