So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
