Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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