it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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