I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
