He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
