If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
