Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
