Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
