Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize