Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
