I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
