Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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