Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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