The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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