Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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