If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
