Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
