Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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