i think my tv is drunk
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
