I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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