what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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