Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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