I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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