Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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