You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
